Regret

Verb, to feel bad about something that happened in the past, no mater how long ago it happened

         One of my many character flaws is not being able to take criticism. When someone tells me I have done something poorly or not the way it is supposed to be done I feel terrible, weather they meant to be kind and helpful, informative or cruel I always feel this deep sensation of failure deep in my heart. It has been difficult for me to learn. I am always so worried I will mess up or fail. So many times I have just wanted to be able to take what others say about me with a grain of salt.

Bottled

Verb, past tense, stuffed away in a small container to be released  later on unsuspecting victims

        Today something was different, today I could tell. I had this feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. I knew as of about ten minuets ago that if things continue the way they are I am going to either explode or implode. There is only so much stress I can take before something bad happens, but usually I can't tell until right before whatever it is happens, but this time I had a chance to warn someone and they ignored my warning. I know he probably just thought it was something that could wait, still I just want to Prevent something had from happening again. 

    I know that was probably annoyingly cryptic, but I should really get to sleep. I'll get back to you soon.

Sleepy

Adjective, the feeling of tiredness, the desperate need to put your head on the table despite it being the middle of class
         The way I see it there are many types of tiered. Sometime soon I'm hoping to put out there a list of my ideas, including the different types of tired . Today's tired is the kind you feel when you get home from a long day at work. I call it tired psychological  because it is the tired you feel after something mentally trying. Psychological tired is caused by working you mind for a prolonged amount of time, or an emotion that is strong or in affect for a long time.
        That's what I'm feeling right now...zzzz

Tenebrosity

Noun, dark, solemn

The tenebrosity,
How it surrounds me
The walls of a city,
Rising up around me
All the synchronicity,
Means nothing to me

The tenebrosity,
The darkness around
No eccentricity 
Nothing to be found
Dark, no electricity
No light, no touch, no sound

All the tenebrosity
Everything used to mean so much to me
The rising toxicity,
In all that can be
Specificity,
lost to me

         Sorry about the bad poetry. Sometimes it seems that it is easier to communicate when your not entirely sure what it is you are going to say. The ring is just so that it sounds nice.
         Basically, what I was trying to say was, sometimes I feel as though I was surrounded by and darkness that no one else can see. For a long time I speculated that I had some form of depression, but more recently I have come to believe that I may have Bipolar type two. That's actually where I got the name of this blog from. I considered explaining the name earlier but, I wanted to designate an entire entry to it and I just haven't found the right time. For reference I think I'll call it effulgence.

Tomorrow

Noun, the day that comes after today despite everyone hoping it won't

        Today went well, respectively. For some reason today I had confidence. Maybe it was waking up with Marina and the Diamonds playing in my head, or maybe it was my extremely adorable boots, or maybe it was my pretty handmade shirt. For whatever reason today I felt as though I was on top of the world, the only problem is: it's Monday. That means a whole four more days to get through and I have this nagging suspicion that the next four days are going to have to be extra torturous in order to contend with the elation I felt today.

Disappointed

Verb, past tense, the action of having less than no pride in a given accomplishment

The greatest feeling of disappointment comes when you think something you have done is good, or better than good, maybe even awesome, then you turn around and realize what you did wasn’t good it wasn’t even close. Then you realize that there are so many people out there that can do everything you can do except they can do it better, faster, bigger. In that moment you realize that you are nothing special, that you are just another girl with a blog that no one will find. 

                We are all standing in a gigantic feel screaming and jumping up and down waving our arms, trying to be different to be special, to get noticed, to be someone. And for the most part we can focus on one thing at a time. Just this one more second, this one more moment, this one more year, then I’ll be where I want to be I’ll be satisfied with what I have, and what I don’t. And sometimes, just for a moment we step out of the pattern and look around us at what’s going on. I don’t know about you, but I always find myself just wanting to go back to the monotony, the normality, the safety of the system.

Constriction

Sometimes I feel so lost, figuratively. There are so many thing I want to do, like finish my book, disign dresses, write a song, learn sign language... I'm so excited and so overwhelmed. I want to do all these thing, but I never seem to have enough time. I am struggling to keep up my good grades, get sleep and get anything elce done. I want to be more to do more, but I am so constricted by what I have to do. I want to be more free.