Writer's Block

Noun, when you just can't find the words to explained how you can't find the words to explain

      I don't often lose the ability to put my thought into words, which makes it all the more difficult to deal with. The problem with this world is it lacks the artistic touch. The system for which the world so heavily relies on is almost completely based off of "left brain" thinking. Everything is logical and structured in a way that is difficult to work in as an artist. You can see this come out in the idea that majoring in art is a bad idea. The world is not structured in a way that lets people have time to realize there ideas fully and creatively. It forces people to think in a very structured Manet and often punishes people who don't. I am not saying I have a better idea, or that the current system is all bad. All I'm trying to say is that this world is not built to be a utopia for artists. 

Music

Noun, expressing one's feelings through a system of rhythms and notes

        Music is something that is really important to who I am, and I just realized I hadn't talked about my love of music yet. I sing and play the oboe inside of school, and I defiantly consider myself a band geek, but that's not the point. The point is for me music is a gorgeous way of expressing yourself in a way everyone can relate to. So you can bet sometime soon I'll be putting up a clip of something I sang or wrote or played.

Rage

Noun, so angry that you are not able to express yourself in words but must instead resort to gutteral noises
        Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh!!!!! 

Begin

Verb, present tense, to start

        Every night I feel waves of fear grow within me. I have had this fear right before I go to bed for several years now, but I think I have finally figured out why. Ever since I was about ten I have woken up each day with a different outlook on life. Everyday ment beginning my life anew. Somedays I'll be joyfull and some days I'll be sad or hopefull or mad. The end of everyday is like the death of who I was that day. Often it's a good thing to say that everyday is the first day in the rest of your life, but it can also be terrifying to know that tomorrow you could be totally different. I think that these feeling are because i have bipolar type two. 

Up

Preposition, not down

          Today I realized something, I don't need to be sad, or complain, or worry. There really isn't anything to be sad about. Everything is going to be fine, all you need to do is enjoy the moment. You have to live for the now because you have no idea will things will get better or worse.
          I guess you could say I'm having an up day. Rest assured I will be back to crying and complaining by tomorrow, but for now it's blue skies.

Regret

Verb, to feel bad about something that happened in the past, no mater how long ago it happened

         One of my many character flaws is not being able to take criticism. When someone tells me I have done something poorly or not the way it is supposed to be done I feel terrible, weather they meant to be kind and helpful, informative or cruel I always feel this deep sensation of failure deep in my heart. It has been difficult for me to learn. I am always so worried I will mess up or fail. So many times I have just wanted to be able to take what others say about me with a grain of salt.

Bottled

Verb, past tense, stuffed away in a small container to be released  later on unsuspecting victims

        Today something was different, today I could tell. I had this feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. I knew as of about ten minuets ago that if things continue the way they are I am going to either explode or implode. There is only so much stress I can take before something bad happens, but usually I can't tell until right before whatever it is happens, but this time I had a chance to warn someone and they ignored my warning. I know he probably just thought it was something that could wait, still I just want to Prevent something had from happening again. 

    I know that was probably annoyingly cryptic, but I should really get to sleep. I'll get back to you soon.